The Confessions

"I read my partners messages while they slept. I found nothing. No betrayal, no lies, nothing but kind words about me to their friends. I still check sometimes. I think the problem has always been me not them."

"My girlfriend thinks our first date went perfectly. Actually I nearly cancelled it twice, spilled wine on myself in the bathroom and called her the wrong name in my head all evening. What she read as calm confidence was blind terror."

"I broke up with someone who was genuinely good to me because my friends did not like them. I let other peoples opinions override my own heart. They married someone else last year. They look happy. I still wonder."

"I ended a three year relationship by text because I was too cowardly to do it in person. She had done nothing wrong. I was just bored and too afraid of her tears to face her. I have never forgiven myself for that."

"I told my ex that I did not blame them for how things ended. I did blame them. I blamed them for years. I only stopped when I finally admitted to myself how much of it was my fault too."

"I pretended not to receive a message from someone who loved me because I did not know how to tell them I did not feel the same. I left them wondering for weeks. That was cruel and I knew it was cruel when I was doing it."

"I have to confess that many years ago I told my best friend I had always really cared for them and would do anything to help, yet when they really needed I just wasn't there for them. They did so much for me and truly loved me shown by their actions. I just didn't show up for them. I was so full of myself. I still wake in the night thinking how badly I let them down."

"I told my last partner that I needed space to work on myself. The truth is I had already emotionally checked out six months before and just did not have the courage to say so. Space was a kindly worded exit."

"I ghosted someone who was kind, funny and clearly into me because they were not conventionally attractive and I was worried what my friends would think. I am ashamed of that version of myself."

"I once told someone I loved them for the first time purely because they said it first and the silence felt unbearable. I did love them eventually. But that first time was a lie born of panic."